My Family: My Brother Essay
My brother and I have spent half of our lives arguing with each other. We dispute over everything in the world. We quarrel so often that our parents complain home has been very quiet since we studied abroad. Sometimes I feel tired. Sometimes I think my brother is the most hateful person I ever met. Sometimes I wish he never existed. Nevertheless … sometimes, I realize that my life would be insipid without him. I never want to admit this and I know I would regret if my brother ever read these sentimental lines because he would laugh at my face. However, I must say I have learned many things from my brother. He may be perverse, obstinate and sometimes disrespectful, but he is always the one who has taught me to be a persevering person who never abandons her aims.
I lived in Ho Chi Minh City, the biggest and the most active region in the country. Therefore, the traffic was always heavy, noisy and scary. Within the framework of the chaotic traffic, no one noticed that my brother and I had stood by the roadside for half an hour. Mom was busy, so she could not pick us up after school. Consequently, for the first time, we had to cross the road by ourselves. It seemed to be an impossible mission to us, a seven-year-old girl and a six-year-old boy, because the traffic at rush hour was even more frightening. However, we did not give up because my brother did not give up. “We can’t. We could get hit,” I kept warning, but my brother, being stubborn like always, paid no attention to my words and insisted: “Let’s try. We have never tried. How can you know we can’t? Other kids do it all the time. Be careful and we’ll be fine.” He held my hand tightly and looked straight at me. Though his hand was trembling and sweating, his eyes reflected great determination. Finally, I was convinced. Gradually we moved forwards. Giant buses or big vans might scare us; nonetheless, we never stopped trying. My brother and I might disagree about many things but we did have one point in common: we did not like to be quitters.
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Great Friend And Brother - With A Free Essay Review
There are many people who have influenced my life over the years, but none more then my older brother, Matt. He will soon be turning 20 years old and is currently a junior at UConn. He is studying to get his bachelor's degree in statistics and is doing great in school. Even though he is getting a degree in statistics he is planning on being a fireman because he loves to help people.
Matt has always been there for me; whether it was needing someone to talk to, or just needing a ride to friends house before I got my license. We've been great friends ever since I can remember. When we were little we used to do everything together. We used to play outside in the snow and rain all day and night until we to tired to move. We would always compete at everything we did even though he was almost always better then me I always tried my hardest to beat him. Even to this day when he comes home from college he still invites me to come play football with him and his older friends. I have always looked up to Matt and have tried to follow in his footsteps through high school.
Although my brother is getting his bachelor's degree in statistics I don't really think that is what his career will end up in. I don't think it is something he can see himself doing for the rest of his life. However I know whatever it is that he does decide to do he will succeed in. If there is one thing I have learned from Matt is to always try your hardest to be the best you can be.
Matt has been the best brother I could ask for, for the last 17 years of my life and I really appreciate it. He really is the most important influence to me. I hope to grow up to be just like my brother and I can only hope to be able to fill such large footsteps.
Let's look at three problems: exaggeration, vagueness, and punctuation.
Exaggeration is not a very big problem; in fact it is more or less de rigueur for this kind of essay. But since your essay produces more than (note the spelling of the subordinating conjunction than) one example, and since in some cases it is related to the intrusion of cliches into your language, it might be worth looking at. Usually, of course, exaggeration is just the apparent product of using figurative instead of literal language. When you say you and Matt did "everything together," the expression is both a cliche and, presumably, a figure of speech (i.e., you did not, I assume, literally do everything together). When you say, in the next sentence, "We used to play outside in the snow and rain all day and night until we to tired to move," you exaggerate again (and omit a word). Earlier, you say "he was always there for me," which is another cliche, and you use two more to finish the paragraph ("I have always looked up to Matt and have tried to follow in his footsteps through high school"), and yet another to conclude the essay, or, rather, you mix up two cliches (we can follow in someone's footsteps, or try to fill their [presumably big] boots or shoes, but filling someone's footsteps is a surreal endeavor, unless the imprint of the feet is deep, and you are, say, the rain).
The problem with exaggeration and hackneyed expressions is that they tend to take the place of authentic, thoughtful consideration, and so produce vagueness. The essay appears to be intended as discussion of someone who influences you. Such a discussion should aim to articulate exactly and concretely how and why the person influenced you. But if you add up the discrete bits of concrete information you've revealed about your brother and his influence upon you, then (note the spelling here too) you may be surprised by how little you've actually communicated. You've told me (twice) that your brother is studying statistics and (twice) that he won't be pursuing a career as a statistician. That's concrete information (the repetition is obviously unnecessary) and you use that concrete information to lead into an explanation of what your brother has taught you. That's the right kind of structure for an argument in this kind of essay (i.e., it's a good idea to draw relevant conclusions from the information that you present) even if, in order to articulate the actual lesson, you resort again to cliches (about trying your hardest). But that is also the only example in which you provide information and draw a conclusion. Perhaps you intended to communicate that you were inspired by your brother's generosity to become a generous person yourself, but you don't actual say that, or anything else less vague than the idea that you want to be like your brother.
I point out this problem because it is present in practically every other sentence. You can learn the rules governing the placement of commas, for example, in a very short time, so you may as well do that. Here's one rule to get you started: separate introductory subordinate or dependent clauses (i.e., clauses which could not form sentences in their own right) from independent clauses (i.e., those which could form sentences in their own right) with a comma. Whenever you use a subordinating conjunction, for instance, to generate a dependent clause, separate that clause from the independent clause it introduces with a comma:
Because I cannot think of a good example, this example will have to do.
When we were little, we did everything together.
Although this is sublimely boring, you still need to learn it.
And so on.
Here's a list of common subordinating conjunctions from Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Subordinating_conjunction#Subordinating_conjunctions):
after, although, as if, as much as, as long as, as soon as, as though, because, before, but, even if, even though, if, in that, in order that, lest, since, so that, than, that, though, unless, until, when, whenever, where, wherever, whether, and while.
Submitted by: markdelmonte31
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