Searching For Myself Essay

I can say with confidence that the moment a person truly starts down the path of self-discovery, they will never turn back. Many may ask the question, "What is self-discovery?" or "What do you mean you don't know who you are?"

The American English Dictionary defines self-discovery as follows:

"a becoming aware of one's true potential, character, motives, etc."

Ignorance towards my true self is something I lived with for a long time. Self-discovery means many things. It means finding your purpose in life (we all have a purpose), it means digging deep into your childhood and revealing the experiences that shaped you... good and bad. It means realizing what your beliefs are and living by them. The effects of self-discovery include happiness, fulfillment, clarity and maybe even enlightenment! The journey however is not always an easy road. The journey includes fear, confusion, misunderstanding, doubt and literally re-visiting all your choices in life. I like to refer to it as spring-cleaning of the mind, your emotions and your surroundings (including the people in your life). It requires making some tough decisions and sticking to them. My journey so far has seen me cut people out of my life. I call them the "takers." They were takers because I allowed them to be and it wasn't until I realized that many of these relationships were one-sided -- self-discovery -- that I decided to cut them out. It has also seen me completely change the course of my life and start to follow my true passion and purpose (this blog). I have also started to set intentions and no longer have expectations from others -- okay... this one is really hard for me and it's a work in progress -- but instead I have started to look within for answers. I've had several set backs along the way and I have no doubt I will have many more but, I'm not giving up.

What I know for sure is that the journey is worth taking. I am slowly becoming calmer, more aware and more tolerant. I am learning how to pay attention to my feelings and understand myself better.

What I know for sure is that I have been very hard on myself for most of my life. I have not been truthful with myself and have had unrealistic expectations therefore, setting myself up for disappointment. Why do we do this? Why do we lie to ourselves? And more importantly, why do we allow ourselves to get away with it? When someone else lies to me and I find out about it I freak out. "How dare he lie to me? Does she think I'm stupid?" but, we lie to ourselves profusely and even cover up our own lies by accepting them as truth in order to reassure ourselves that it's okay??!?!?!

For example: I have body image issues. I have always had body image issues yet covered it up by lying to myself. When I was 14 I even tried to starve myself thin. I would convince myself that I was happy with the way I looked when deep down I knew I wasn't. I worked so hard to cover up how I really felt by masking my true feelings. "I'm happy with my hips" I would tell myself and "I like my perky butt," even though deep down I hated the way I looked. I'm not implying that what I was feeling was a good thing but, it was what I was feeling and ignoring it, or pretending it didn't exist was doing no good to me -- or my body image issues. Eventually, it became exhausting. Recently, I started working on accepting the fact that I have body image issues and acknowledging my feelings towards them. I am not suppressing the feelings I have anymore instead, I am admitting to them therefore diminishing the threat they once held upon me and reducing the hold they had on my life. There comes a freedom with accepting your feelings and emotions. It's like a release of some sort. Like you've identified the elephant in the room and waved at him so you no longer have to pretend he's not there. Once you acknowledge the elephant in the room he doesn't bother you anymore. You learn to co-exist and be okay with his presence and not allow him to control how you act and feel anymore.

What I know for sure is that being true to my feelings and acknowledging them as well as validating them has released so much fear in me. It has released my fear of not being good enough as well as my fear of not living up to the expectations I set for myself. What I know for sure is that we are usually our own worst enemy. We hold ourselves back in so many ways and I am ready to move away from that pattern. I'm not suggesting that these fears no longer exist within me because they certainly do and, I don't think they will ever go away but now that I am aware of my true feelings and now that I am becoming conscious of my real beliefs, they no longer have a strangle hold on my life. Instead, I have a hold on how they can or cannot affect me.

My message is this... Stop being your own worst enemy! Stop lying to yourself about your emotions and feelings and start accepting them and allowing yourself to feel whatever is it you feel. The freedom you will feel within yourself is reward enough however, the universe will give you back the love that you have finally and justifiably started to give yourself. This I promise you!

"When I discover who I am, I'll be free."
-- Ralph Ellison, Invisible Man

Until next time...

Eleni

To read more articles by Eleni visit her Blog at: http://www.thechatterboxx.com.

If you're struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorder Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

Follow Eleni Makedonas on Twitter: www.twitter.com/TheBoxxChatter

Author:Sorting Last Post on Top ↓Message:
I see myself as someone who would like to do better., but totally lost in what to do to accomplish this.... I have been trying for a year to get the weight off, but just keep doing the same thing over and over, overeating. Gain a inch lose half of that! Ready to make a change and stick to it!

Edited by: SEEKHEALTHYLIFE at: 4/6/2017 (21:31)
I see myself as intelligent and capable; very much needing a loving and supportive God. I think this might change over time but surprisingly it requires some thought.

Edited by: BUSYBEE4259 at: 2/26/2017 (09:06)
Lately I see myself as an ongoing work of art. I've made a lot of inner changes in the last few years and I feel like they were changes I needed to make so that I could work on the outside. It's just a challenge to put the things I've learned and the tools I've gathered into practical use.

 Pounds lost: 2.0 
 
This is an interesting topic. I see myself as reliable, responsible, nurturing, wise and strong. I had my eyes opened when at Christmas my 10-year-old granddaughter gave me a "gold" ring with a three-dimensional head of a lion on it. She told me she knew the ring was for me because, "...you're fierce, Grandma." It made me look at myself closer, and she's right. I am fierce in that I stand up for myself, my family and those in need or who are considered the underdog.

Marla
Niskayuna, NY, just west of Albany.


No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --Eleanor Roosevelt


 Pounds lost: 11.4 
I am a warm loving wife, mother and grand mother who always puts my families needs first and my needs second. I will always put family first but I need to tell myself that I am important also.

Kathleen624
Pennsylvania

NEW CHALLENGE:
NEW YEAR 2018 1# a week until 4/3/18
Starting Weight 12/26/17 180
1/2/18 180
1/9/18 179
1/16/18 180
1/23/18 179
1/30/18 178
2/6/18 178
2/13/18 175
2/20/18 176
2/27/18
3/6/18
3/13/18
3/20/18
3/27/18
4/3/18
























 Pounds lost: 17.0 
 
I'm a loving mother, wife, daughter, sister who wears her heart on her shoulder which can get me into trouble sometimes. Trying to focus on taking care of myself right now, but often worries and try to be there for others. Scared if I don't to get things under control what the next health issue will pop up.

 current weight: 279.0 
 
strong, fearful, empathic

Name: Snow (yup, it's my real name)
Location: Wisconsin, USA - CST
Black Panther Team - Spring 2018


"I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work." – Thomas Edison


 current weight: 211.4 
 
I see myself as big , caring and someone who loves to help and encourage others and a bit hotheaded at times

Big heart, KInd, Loving, Don't give myself credit or love myself the way I should.

Matthew 19:26 - But Jesus beheld [them], and said unto them, With men this is impossible; but with God all things are possible.
Luke 1:37 - For with God nothing shall be impossible.
Philippians 4:13 - I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.
Mark 11:24 - Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive [them], and ye shall have [them].


 Pounds lost: 0.0 
 
I constantly have to remind myself of why I should be confident and that i matter. I think that's a good quality after years of self deprecation.



Edited by: MAMASANGELS at: 7/20/2015 (00:06)
As someone who is constantly starting again and giving up within a few days. I'm tired of this and I just want to feel good about myself again. I haven't in a really long time.

 Pounds lost: 1.2 
 
As someone who needs to give herself more credit than she currently gives herself.

 current weight: 260.0 
 
...I'm a mess! Have much work ahead & despite my posts of inspiration/motivation I can't seem to get my act together...

"Desire is the key to motivation, but it's determination and commitment to an unrelenting pursuit of your goal - a commitment to excellence - that will enable you to attain the success you seek.'


 current weight: 556.0 
 
...as someone who is trying very hard to get healthier.

Rose D.
"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday." ~Steve Maraboli


 March Minutes: 0
 
I see myself as a person who needs to love herself more.

Same here Crystal, it's hard letting go of the past.

Rose D.
"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday." ~Steve Maraboli


 March Minutes: 0
 
I can relate, I also need to break through the negative thoughts! And also the guilt of past mistakes!

Crystal

I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength!


As someone who has to break free from negative thoughts.

Rose D.
"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday." ~Steve Maraboli


 March Minutes: 0
 
I see myself as someone who has been lost for quite a while now, but is ready to start caring again.

Rose D.
"The beautiful journey of today can only begin when we learn to let go of yesterday." ~Steve Maraboli


 March Minutes: 0
 
Have lost 9 pounds and 2" around my belly since Jan. 1 ... Mostly with the help of "Sparkpeople" the program, the members and the motivating \ inspiriting tips, topics and messages boards.

So today I am feeling hopeful and grateful. Thank You for All your help.

Edited by: MICH1954 at: 2/25/2015 (17:19)
 current weight: 263.0 
 
I see nyself as active, fun, good friend, good mom, good dancer, and fairly good looking lol. I also see overweight, sick, and scarred. I know I can overcome these things though and I will never lose hope. I guess you could say I am hopeful too.



 current weight: 212.0 
 
My self esteem has gone down so much in the last 3 years. I feel fat and ugly. When I look in the mirror I can't believe what I am seeing. My clothes don't fit. I am a hot mess. My comfort--eating.



Some things are hard for me, but I am going to make it!


1,118 Days since:  Soda
 
Fat, Ugly, Disgusting and Embarrassing.

 current weight: 263.0 
 
tired, lucky and grateful!

ditto for tues again!

Edited by: MACILINN at: 2/10/2015 (06:47)
~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


 current weight: 161.8 
 
hungry, sick w/a cold and on track!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


 current weight: 161.8 
 
Ready for the birthday challenge!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


 current weight: 161.8 
 
stressed, busy and ready to go out!

~Maci~ Oceanside, CA
*If you don't like something... Change it!

~A special prayer to all~
"May your Neighbors, respect you, Troubles neglect you, Angels protect you, and Heaven accept you!"


 current weight: 161.8 
 
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